Given my predilection toward megalomania (and my attempts at creating a believable villain), I can't believe I've never seen this before.
From the introduction:
"Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord."
My favorites include the following:
#2 My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
#3 My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
#15 I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
#20 Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
#24 I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
# 28 My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
#29 I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
#38 If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age
#40 I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
#46 If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
#81 If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
On a related note, I read an article about a new game on sale in July called "Overlord". From the press release:
"In the game's seriously warped fantasy world, players will become the Overlord and get first-hand experience of how "absolute power corrupts absolutely." Players will have the option to be a regular run-of-the-mill Overlord, however, with incredible power at their disposal and a team of evil-minded impish critters called the Minions on hand to do everyone's bidding, how will anyone resist the temptation to be wonderfully despotic?! "
From the introduction:
"Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord."
My favorites include the following:
#2 My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
#3 My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
#15 I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
#20 Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
#24 I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
# 28 My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
#29 I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
#38 If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age
#40 I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
#46 If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
#81 If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
On a related note, I read an article about a new game on sale in July called "Overlord". From the press release:
"In the game's seriously warped fantasy world, players will become the Overlord and get first-hand experience of how "absolute power corrupts absolutely." Players will have the option to be a regular run-of-the-mill Overlord, however, with incredible power at their disposal and a team of evil-minded impish critters called the Minions on hand to do everyone's bidding, how will anyone resist the temptation to be wonderfully despotic?! "